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[07 Jan 2010|11:42am] |
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I am way sicker than yesterday. The cold is migrating down to the chest, it feels like. I hate this, a lot.
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| Not fishing for a complement, just annoyed. |
[06 Jan 2010|07:31pm] |
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It kind of sucks being in between stuff. No school to look forward too, which is weird. Being doing that since the age of 5 and it's all over. Resume is not done, I'm not too happy with it. I feel like it is blank and not a whole lot of notable stuff on it. Then I hate the format of it, I guess that's an excuse. TFA application is probably a third done and due Friday. Slight anxiety of turning that in, I just don't feel qualified and now second guessing if I even want to do it. I just don't want to set myself up for failure and disappointment. I'm kind of angry that I know a lot of people just do the two years and quit, making it a notation on their resume. I'd at least genuinely stay and make it my career if I'm good at it and enjoy doing it. Plus, I want to get the hell out of Arizona. I want change. I want a big city with bright lights. I want to be a big kid and be on my own.
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[06 Jan 2010|11:59am] |
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Way more sick than the day before. :(
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[05 Jan 2010|05:18pm] |
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Me pouring Mountain Dew on the counter, missing my cup completely for no real reason pretty much sums up my day.
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| Sappy musings about my trip of interest to probably only myself |
[04 Jan 2010|08:33pm] |
For New Years Eve, I went to New York City to visit a couple friends who I play online games with. I met Tally and Tyler 5 years ago, playing World of Warcraft and we instantly hit it off and have been friends ever since. For years, we've been talking about meeting up and finally seeing each other face to face but it never happened. Well, this year, it finally did. I went to visit them in NYC last week. Other Underpowered friends came, as well. Nazim lives in NYC and so he came for a bit, as did Jackie and Matt. I've known Matt before playing games because I used to work with his mother. So I knew him going into last week, but everyone else were just disembodied voices and pictures. I was a little nervous.
The truth is that last week was probably one of the best weeks of my life. I had such an amazing time, hanging out with everyone. It was great to finally meet Jackie and Naz and it was good to see Matt again. I was honestly there to see Tally and Tyler; everyone else was a huge bonus (not meaning any offense or anything to anyone else who went; super glad everyone did).
I was instantly put at ease meeting Tally/Tyler, though. It's not often that people just instantly click, but for me that's what happened. Those two are among the best people I know, both in terms of their awesomeness but also their huge hearts. From my perspective (and I really hope from theirs....), we just, like I said, "clicked." I was mostly worried about what people would think of me, when they actually met me. For me, it was like we've seen each other for years. Obviously, I know that's semi-true because we've been friends for over five years. But sometimes when you meet people in person, things can go bad or people act differently. That wasn't the case here. At least from my side. Whenever there was a quiet moment, it wasn't one of those awkward moments when people just don't know what to say. It was a comfortable quiet; a quiet that grows from knowing each other well enough that you don't feel the need to fill any silences with random chatter, just so it won't be "awkward."
Sunday was hard for me. Really hard. Leaving came, for me anyway, too quickly. And when the day came, it kind of...hurt, I guess for lack of a better word. Even though I get to "see" them mostly every day to talk and play games online, it's still not the same. I am terrible at saying goodbyes anyway, but it was incredibly difficult to do it Sunday, more than I ever anticipated. I really wish we lived closer. I just felt so comfortable around them and had such an amazing time. It's not fair that two people I really connect with aren't within easy visiting distance.
I'm kind of gushing, I guess...but it's how I felt. I'm a sap. And it's honestly how I felt Sunday but couldn't say. As much as I didn't care for the talkative New Yorker who stood by me while we waited for our super delayed plane to arrive, in hindsight I'm glad he was there. He kept talking, nonstop and it was a little annoying but it also kept my mind off the fact that I was leaving two great friends who know me better than most people do, and until that moment we hadn't actually met in person.
I hope they felt somewhat the same way.
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[03 Jan 2010|06:46pm] |
I feel like crying, I said.
Why? my friend asked
I said:
[6:24:20 PM] i dont' have my visa
[6:24:29 PM] i'm out of money
[6:24:31 PM] i miss seattle
[6:24:34 PM] i'm pmsing
[6:24:40 PM] i met a boy that i like
[6:24:45 PM] you know
[6:24:46 PM] and frankly
[6:24:48 PM] i'm just kelly
[6:24:56 PM] so even if none of those things were happening or not happening
[6:25:00 PM] i'd probably feel like crying
I'm so frustrated. I feel like I just want to go home. I want to call it all quits.
I'm amazingly good at wasting thousands of dollars. I went to the hospital today and paid my inpatient bed fees. That was a lot of money! We'll see if I get any of it back.
We'll see how much it costs to fly from here to Barcelona.
We'll see how many people will lend me money.
Gosh, it's so odd to be in such a lucky place in life -with all of the friends and family that I have helping me out all the time.
Where would I be without them?
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[03 Jan 2010|07:24pm] |
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So I'm a lot of pissed at someone. I just want to punch him in the fucking face. That would in fact make me feel much better.
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[03 Jan 2010|12:05am] |
Flakes.
:(
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[02 Jan 2010|02:52pm] |
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I honestly hate being at my parents house. I get so cranky, I want to go out every night.
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[02 Jan 2010|01:57pm] |
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Yesterday Jon and I had two bad rounds of LoL. One idiot kept calling Jon out on his bad play and blaming others for the team's shortcomings. I was so pissed, I wanted to punch the cunt. Jon is rarely the reason we lose in LoL. I was about ready to throw it down with the amount of shit he was talking and could not back up.
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[01 Jan 2010|05:10am] |
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Okay, my New Years sucked. It's my fault, but whatever. People were out of town and I wasn't going to some douche Scottsdale block party, not my scene. Also, not a big fan of hanging out with my sister's boyfriend's family. They're kind of obnoxious, at least the women in that family are. So, I just sat on my ass, didn't do a whole lot. Didn't even see a ball drop on TV, just didn't care. It hit midnight and it still felt like 2009.
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[31 Dec 2009|07:29pm] |
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Sometimes I'm needy, damnit.
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[28 Dec 2009|12:55pm] |
So, I really need to stop it. Maybe my New Years resolution, no more! Usually my resolution is not to consume any yucky seafood, it usually works out and I win.
Feel a little bad for saying no, but I had to.
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[27 Dec 2009|12:08pm] |
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Well, if I had a list of stuff to do before I die, I guess last night could have been on it?
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[26 Dec 2009|04:03pm] |
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Might be getting what I want. Kind of nervous. But Jesus Christ hanging off the cross, god damnit!
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[25 Dec 2009|11:48pm] |
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Justin Beiber is not a good singer. Why is he popular?
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[25 Dec 2009|05:44pm] |
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Call me ungrateful, but I hate getting presents I just don't care for, didn't want, or have little use for. I got a gift card to the movie theater in Phoenix. They have one down in Tucson, but it's in the south side. I guess it will get used up eventually. Then for graduation, I didn't know I was getting anything. I got something I will use, but if I would have known, I would have picked something else or said save the money. Then, my parents are insisting I get a class ring. It's a nice thought, but I know I wouldn't wear it. I decided if I happen to get married, that's what I will wear for my wedding band, my class ring with a Block A on it. Until then, no thanks. It's just too gaudy.
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